Between my editor, who has been in the book game for 20+ years and my uncle who has written 20+ books, I was told 20+ times that this would happen. Did I take it as gospel? OF COURSE NOT! Once again, I’m sitting here in front of the keyboard with egg all over my face and no idea, in the world, how to scramble, poach or fry the damn thing!
“Scott, after you’ve written your book, be prepared for what’s to come. You are going to feel flat for a little while”, “Bullshit!”
“Scott, I want you to prepare yourself. Be ready for it”, “Bullshit!”
“You’ll see”, “Bullshit!”
“When I finish my book, the world will open up. I won’t have time to feel flat because I’m going to have so many things to keep me occupied”.
It was like I woke up in a different world. My book was launched on the 19thof April 2018 and by the 20th, it was all over. I had spent the previous two years, bunkered down in the darkness, scavenging through the depths of my soul, writing a book, and now it was over.
Why do I feel like this? It really confused me but the experts were right, I was flat. “Ok,” I thought to myself, “Let’s take a few days off and hit the ground running on Monday.
Well it turns out, that nearly two months later, I’m still searching everywhere for that frying pan. I’m still flat. Once again, not only did I not listen, but I underestimated how hard this would be with an injured brain. I think it all comes down to direction. For the last two years I’ve been heading in a direction. I’ve been longing to get this book out and into the public and never really thought about what’s next.
A quick Google search asking WTF is going on in my brain and turns out that this period has a name and psychologists know all about it. It’s called Post-Project Depression, and I’m not alone. I had just spent every single day, for the last two years, walking down the same path and longing for the end. Ok, not all of these days were spent walking and sometimes I’d stop, get distracted, and smell the roses along the way, but I was still on the same path heading to the same finish line. This ‘path’ had given my life purpose and something to focus my mental energy on and now it was all over?
This process is in the same realm as Post-Natal Depression, but instead of giving birth to a mini human, I essentially gave birth to a book and instead of carrying it in my tummy, I was carrying it in my brain… my injured brain!
Whilst writing my book, more often than not, I’d wake up at 5:30 am, head off to the gym, then to the golf course to play a round and then return home, before Jasmine even left for work. I’d then do my arm exercises, meditate and be ready to take on the day. But now? I find it extremely hard to even get up before Jasmine does, each morning.
A meeting with my Neuropsychologist was called for. I needed to get some realprofessional advice, rather than, “Be prepared Scott.” It turns out that for two years, I had a plan, and now I didn’t. I still need to walk down the same path but I just needed to get another map to follow. This is all about planning, which for those who don’t know me and my cognitive-dysfunctional-injured brain, is a bloody hard task.
With the help of all the tools I’ve been given over the years, I need to learn how to cook again so that I can finally do something with this egg. Have you ever finished a project (Or had a “baby”) and felt the same way?
That’s all from me, as they say in French, au revoir mate!
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